Season’s Greetings! (Don’t Drive Like An Asshat)

I wanted to give everyone a gentle reminder as they potentially visit and navigate some busy parking lots this holiday season. Below are a couple helpful diagrams on how to be courteous and safe and not put someone’s life at risk unnecessarily.

Driver on the left is courteous and following the marked lanes of the parking lot, regardless of how many open spaces there are.

Driver on the right is an asshat, cutting across multiple rows of cars and marked lanes and putting other drivers at risk — other drivers, btw, who are following the marked lanes and likely not expecting someone to be driving recklessly across lanes.

Another helpful example below from one of my frequent stops in town. I realize the lane markers are bit old and more difficult to see, especially from a satellite photo, but (A) you can definitely still see them (unless your vision is so bad you shouldn’t be driving), and (B) the layout of the how/where other cars park should give you a sense of overall layout of where the driving lanes are located.

I can’t stress it enough. Don’t drive like an inconsiderate douche-nozzle. Just pay attention to the lanes and follow the marked layout so you don’t hurt someone.

Why am I always on edge in parking lots? Because when I was 17 I nearly got killed in a supermarket parking lot by someone who was driving across lanes. I was in my mom’s old Jeep Grand Wagoneer and he was in a Camaro. He was going so fast across lanes he sent me careening off at nearly a 90-degree angle from the direction I was headed. Fortunately I was wearing a seat belt but the Wagoneer was totaled. Do you realize how fast he must’ve been going to do that kind of damage to a vehicle that was essentially a Sherman tank built for the suburbs? And he got out of his banged-up Camaro yelling at me because he “had just gotten it out of the shop!”

If he was driving in the correct lane he would not have been able to drive that fast. He would have been in line moving at the same speed as everyone else — potentially in front of or behind me, but certainly not intersecting me through open parking spaces.

Again, don’t be yelling-unhinged-terrible-driving-80s-Camaro guy.

Drive like a normal, respectable human being who is cognizant of other drivers in the lot.

MmmKayyy? Thanks.